Bleeding Perseverance - Episode 28

Autobiography Fridays

After going through the devastating time of losing Lupe I made a promise to myself. I wouldn’t get involved with anyone else unless I knew they were a virgin. I wanted to be the one a girl had that special emotional connection with due to me being their first. That, and the fact of being honest with myself. I had barely survived the whole ordeal of losing Lupe. And we didn’t even make love. So if that’s how instantly in love I got by just being involved with someone through the first stages of a relationship, there’s no way I’d be able to survive giving my own virginity to someone if they later turned around and left me for whatever reason. I couldn’t risk it, so I told myself I just had to be patient and wait for the right girl no matter how long it took. Not only did she have to want a serious relationship like me, but she’d have to be pure as well, so we’d both have that forever emotional bond.

Could Sylvia, that girl I had seen working at KFC in L.A. be such a girl? I wrote her a letter to find out, sending it in care of the restaurant.

A few weeks later I actually got a reply! But the letter was in Spanish. Mom had become fluent in the language as a teenager so she translated for me. Sylvia said because of my name she believed I could speak Spanish. The only other thing I remember her asking was if I lived in L.A. I immediately wrote her back in English and answered her questions. I never heard from her again. Perhaps she didn’t want to be with a guy who couldn’t speak Espanol.

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Mom’s emotional abuse never stopped. To her it came as easy as talking. Jesse was barely six years old and had gotten reattached to ‘momma’ after not having her for two and a half years. Sometimes at night when he didn’t want to sleep she’d start threatening him.

“You want me to leave? I’m gonna leave now if you don’t shut up and go to sleep!”

Of course he wasn’t going to sleep now, you dumbass bully! He lost his mom for two and a half years, and now you’re threatening him with his worst fear?!

Her threats would just make things worse, as Jesse would now go into crying mode. This of course caused her to get even more pissed off, which in turn caused her to be more stupid.

She’d leave the room and hold the door shut, acting like she was leaving for good. Obviously this would send Jesse into hysterics.

Such behavior from her caused the two of us to argue for hours, so sometimes I wouldn’t say anything, hoping things would soon settle down so we could all just go to sleep. Otherwise we’d be up half the night fighting, while still having to go to school the next morning.

Well, one particular night she was up to her torturous bullshit with Jesse again. Trying to be patient and hoping for a quick resolve I remained quiet. But the taunting continued, and Daniel, who also couldn’t stand his little brother going through such mental abuse, suddenly stood up on top of the bed holding a big rock above his head as he faced Mom. (Can’t remember why there was a big rock in the room. Maybe Mom’s Indian thing- being close to nature. She’s had such things for years.)

He then yelled, “Leave him alone, bitch!” This caught all of our attention, and like Indiana Jones and his whip Mom hit Daniel near the arms with an extended belt. He fell to the bed crying, but his plan of action had worked. The lights were turned off and everyone went to sleep.