Bleeding Perseverance - Episode 4

Autobiography Fridays

Jazmin was two years old during this time. We were all premature, but her start in this life was definitely the toughest. She was born with a lung disease that kept her in the hospital for the first year of her life, along with being physically and developmentally delayed. She constantly had to be hooked up to an oxygen machine. There were two large oxygen tanks in our apartment. And a portable one that was refillable. Evan, the oxygen man, came once a week to fill them up, and once taught me and Chino how to twirl a frisbee around our finger. Again, something that can seem pretty cool to a little kid.

Poor Jaz had to have the oxygen tube taped to her cheeks to keep it in place, the stream of constant air going in through her nostrils. Even though medical tape was used it was on 24/7, which caused the skin to get highly irritated. She was also on a lot of meds. Since she wasn’t keen on taking them, and to avoid messes, the easiest way to give them to her was by squirting them in her mouth through a plastic syringe.

Jesse often listened to Mexican music on the stereo. Sometimes he and Jazmin would play along to the songs, drumming with wooden spoons on pots and empty coffee cans. She was so cute!

Jesse’s relatives would sometimes come visit us, especially his brother, Louis. I took a special liking to him. He was a nice guy and I was impressed with his artwork. He’d draw on envelopes, like a heart with a fancy banner around it.

Sometimes we’d go to Louis’ house across town. He had a wife, a son, Nacho and two daughters, Gloria and Renata. Renata was my age and we kinda looked alike. The adults would tease us, saying that we should be boyfriend and girlfriend. One thing led to another and we actually became an unofficial couple. We held hands a few times and even kissed each other goodbye on a couple of occasions. Since we were just cousins by marriage it was ok. All the adults thought it was “cute”, but I took it seriously. Although we only got to see each other about once a week I wanted it every day. I yearned for her, often bugging Mom or Jesse to take me to see her.

One time, Renata and her family were planning to attend a street fair about a half mile down the road. I was so excited to be seeing my love. I even put on some of Jesse’s cologne.

But then for some reason Mom changed her mind and we weren’t going. I was devastated! Seeing how hurt I was, she finally took me. The fair was across the street from Saint Mary’s Catholic Church. A church we attended for a while.

We couldn’t find Renata and her family no matter how desperately I looked. We did see an odd guy though. Wearing a rimmed hat and just standing in the middle of the crowd. He moved his head from one side to another, taking in the scene while subtly moving his body up and down to the Mexican music being played. I guess he just stuck out to us because he looked so weird doing what he was doing. We laughed about it for years.

Eventually Jesse moved out because he couldn’t handle the fist fights with Mom. Toughened up by Rick years earlier, not only could she take a punch, but gave it back as well. Him leaving met not seeing his relatives either, which caused Renata and I to drift apart. And so my first romance at nine years old was over.

Every so often Jesse would come by and bring some money. We really needed it! Although we were poor, at least when Jesse was there we had his steady pay from working in the fields. But once he left the only thing to rely on was welfare. And Mom has never been good with budgets. Oftentimes she’d even have to resort to selling her blood plasma.

The one thing we ate nearly every day was refried beans, Mexican rice, and tortillas. We even had a joke about it. One of us kids would say “What’s for dinner?” Then the rest of us in unison would answer in a depressing tone, “Beans and tortillas.” For breakfast we often had Atole, this breakfast drink that I hated, and most of the time would give my share to Chino. This new world was a far cry from the one Daniel and I left behind at Sandra and Dow’s. We never went hungry there, always having a wide variety of food including all I could eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches with cold glasses of milk. We had grown accustomed to such comfort. What a drastic change we had to go through!